Understanding the self-absorbed, demeaning, manipulative, controlling, and competitive narcissist and how to stop being a do-gooder and losing yourself…aligned with the Biblical Cain and Abel story

Posts tagged ‘bad’

It’s Your Fault, Not Mine

Driven to project an image of being a good guy, Cain sees himself as brilliant and you as dumb and easily manipulated. Because he must always look good, you must always absorb his mistakes and the destruction that evolves due to his selfish decisions.  He is known to spread negative ideas about you to others to protect his image. This projection is where the term “scapegoating” comes from. You become a scapegoat for his problems. I knew one Cain who made it clear that his wife was part of his decision-making if he thought the decision would be judged negatively. Most everyone knew that he made all the decisions in the relationship. Including her was his way of making her the scapegoat for criticism that might come his way.

He will never lower himself to offer an apology. Repentance is not a good word or a bad word. It merely means “to turn around and go the other way” When God asked Cain the whereabouts of his brother Abel, Cain spat, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” He would not confess that he had killed his brother or even admit the error of his ways.

In short, Cain will not admit he made a mistake. That would render his image as imperfect. In his deluded thinking, if he is imperfect, he feels worthless. He cannot tolerate the shame associated with that idea, so he turns it around and projects the “badness” on you. You will never win with a Cain. Everything will always be someone else’s fault.

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