While society recognizes physical and emotional abuse as evil, few consider spiritual abuse and the harm it can cause individuals. Cainistic ministers and their obligatory followers are not disturbed about the impact of their rejection on church attendees. In fact the leader in my church kept his supporters emotionally attached through his approval and disapproval. He claimed to know what the Holy Spirit was saying and was revered as the spiritual authority. One word or look of censure could propel a member into days or weeks of distressing anguish, depending on how long the cainistic leader decided to persecute and ostracize the nonconformist. It was really no different from the Amish custom of shunning except that the rejection was usually short-term, and it was the minister who decided when he would accept you into the fold again.
At first I was elated with my decision to join this church. It seemed like the sermons and classes were like a Christian therapy group, and I felt I was learning a great deal more than I had learned in years of psychotherapy. People at the church mentioned how I “glowed” and I was convinced I had never been happier.
The cainistic reverend represented himself as an ordinary, simple man, modest and vulnerable, obeying the desires of his parishioners. Most everyone found this aspect of his personality adorable. He used self-deprecating humor and told jokes on himself, and we laughed with him over his amiable blunders.
But shockingly this was all part of his cleverly disguised exploitation and manipulation. Sadly, within a year I began seeing disturbing inconsistencies and discrepancies that caused me to lose sleep. Regrettably, his endearing, folksy mannerisms were a facade, disguising his tumultuous need for supremacy.
He started to expect—no demand—special privileges and unfailing support of his opinions and ideas. Moreover, his control issues grew stronger and more destructive. For example, one day he boldly announced that it was mandatory for licensed Christian teachers within the church to attend church every Sunday, and if their attendance was not in agreement, he would revoke their privilege to teach classes at the church. That was the finish for one of my friends. Although she had been a member for decades, she stopped attending services altogether and never returned to the church.
Likewise, the staff at the cainistic church was overworked and underpaid due to his autocratic leadership. Both burnout and turnover were great. Years later when fiscal deficit hit the roof, we learned that the staff had received one 3% raise in 5 years while the cainistic minister had received a 10% raise every year. The monies were unquestionably appropriated to the minister first, and the staff was considered if there was any capital left over.
Volunteers were treated with the same perfunctory manner. At times mandatory meetings were scheduled at 9:00 a.m. on Saturday when an unpaid assistant might have personal activities scheduled or want to sleep in. I once retorted, “You’d think we worked here the way they treat us.” Personal boundaries were not only ignored but trampled on.
As I questioned the conflicting, dictatorial actions, innocently thinking I had a right to do so, I came face-to-face with the bewildering aspects of spiritual (cainistic) abuse within the church. The more I questioned, the harder those in power came down on me. Often I was shunned and ignored for a specific amount of time.
On the high end you will be massively disappointed in a Cain-led church. At the low end, some people have been so devastated by these inauthentic leaders and institutions, they have suffered mental breakdowns or committed suicide, for in this self-centered place of worship, money, faith, and hope is stolen from you. Some attendees never recover their sense of trust—in God or people—due to this deceit.
Remember Cain is self-serving rather than other-oriented. He satisfies his own needs at the expense of others. Yes, there are men of the cloth wearing sheep’s clothing, and it is demoralizing because it is the one place where honest, decent folks rely on truth and where ministers and their assistants should be held to a higher standard of genuineness and excellence. It is the one place where anyone should be able to go and trust they are not being deceived.
