The cainistic church I attended was large. Subsequently, a widespread criticism was the lack of closeness among members; it was difficult to get to know people if all you did was show up for an hour a week on Sunday. One day a lay person developed a small group program with the hope of creating more intimacy among members in a large church. Keep in mind, Cains are not original thinkers. They pilfer others’ ideas and give little to no credit to the original source.
The church rewrote the program as much as necessary to dub it their own, launching it as a new, fresh church initiative. They involved the originator of the idea enough to give him credit for his proposal and keep him busy doing all the necessary record keeping and paperwork, but unquestionably not enough to make it possible for him to outshine the cainistic minister. The minister had launched the prayer program—which had gone national and put him on the map as a distinctive undertaking (even though that was a borrowed idea, too)—and now he was plagiarizing this small group idea to further his career status and reputation.
Like Abel’s blood, Cain’s need to feel superior cries out from the ground to be acknowledged. Like everything else, this small group enterprise had to be greater, more elaborate, than anything ever created. There were several weeks’ training for leaders and co-leaders with ongoing monthly meetings, monthly celebration meetings, and initially a quarterly meeting for all the groups to come together and celebrate each other.
I began as a co-leader with the lay leader who originally created the idea, but as I became aware that I would never be more than a leader in name only, I started my own group which focused on community outreach. For example, one time we spent an afternoon at a school, helping poverty-stricken children decorate for Thanksgiving. Their favorite activity was decorating sugar cookies to look like turkeys. Not only did the kids have a wonderful time, but the instructors appreciated us because they did not have the time for these kinds of atypical crafts.
However, one of our greatest achievements was when we filled forty-two gift boxes to send to U.S. soldiers, fighting in Iraq, stuffing them with everything from telephone cards to snacks, from writing paper to games, from beauty products to soap goods, from toothpaste to combs and brushes, and so much more.
Yet, from start to finish, it was an uphill battle with the church to get them to cooperate or collaborate with our efforts. In the biblical story God looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but Cain was upset when his brother did well. The cainistic minister was always upset if others skated into the limelight; he was not about to lend a hand to help me and my group succeed in our efforts. That was the only reasonable explanation for his obstinacy and the way he devalued and diminished our group.
First I sent an email asking if our group could use a room at the church to fill the gift boxes. I probably should have asked him if our group could rent the room for the afternoon as money was an idol in this church. The email was ignored. I waited several weeks, and then asked again. Next, I was told I had to fill out a requisition form asking for a room. Then I had to wait to see if it was approved. Cain’s operations manager let me know it sounded “iffy” based on whether there would be a room available on that particular Saturday afternoon. That seemed very strange indeed, as most all rooms were available on a Saturday unless the church was holding a special event, and since I had given the date, it seemed like he would know whether that was the case or not. Nothing moved forward in this church without the approval of Cain.
I waited some more and still heard nothing. I experienced this kind of treatment regularly. It seemed that those in authority would try to out wait me, hoping I would forget the request and move on. If the event or activity would not advance Cain in some way, it really held no value. But this I was persistent. I followed up a third time.
Finally, I was told that we could use a large room that was divided by an accordion-like door, but were not to open the divider. We were to remain on one side of the room only. There was no explanation as to why this was the case which was mysterious because when we showed up, there was no one else was using the other half of the room. Actually, it wasn’t really a surprise. I saw it as just more of his control issues, always micromanaging what he considered to be his church, especially when he was not the focal point. He was allowing us the room but only if we did exactly as he ordered.
I put out a notice to all the small group leaders, asking if their group would like to participate in the activity and/or make donations for the gift boxes. The response was fantastic, almost overwhelming. Many at the church were in high spirits about the operation and expressed how much they had always wanted this kind of activity at the church. Many asked if we could do more of it. Oh, more would be done but not with the credit or recognition of our group.
On the day we filled the boxes, we found that the room assigned to us was exceedingly small for the activity. People dropped off goods and items all afternoon, and we were cramped for space. When one group member heard that the cainistic minister had ordered us to use only half of the room for our venture, she marched to the middle of the room and without a word, slid open the divider, giving us double the space for our outreach project. We spread out and went to work.
My group members, including my hard-working co-leader, were there the entire time, filling boxes with merchandise and then packaging them as instructed for mail delivery to Iraq. Each box had to have triplicate forms addressed in a prescribed, accurate manner and attached to the boxes. We were exhausted but happy by the end of the day.
My co-leader, who was not privy to the self-absorbed underpinnings of the cainistic church, called me at home that evening, praising me for my skillful management of the project, stating that he was certain that when the church found out how successful the project was, they would want to air it on the local news. Of course, that did not happen because the cainistic minister was not at the center of it, and he was not about to give me and my group any confirmation. When Cain feels jealous, he diminishes and devalues the person or activity toward which he feels jealous. He must be the axis of attention at all time.
We had a dilemma, however. Who would pay for the postage to mail all those gift boxes to the U.S. soldiers? We spread the word and took up a donation. The church was non-responsive. Can you imagine this? An outreach activity for American soldiers fighting in Iraq, completed at the church, and it would not help in any way. No doubt, knowing the punitive attitude of the cainistic minister, he was thinking: you made your bed, now lie in it. We received some money from small group leaders but were short by a couple hundred dollars. Incredibly, my co-leader’s boss, who was of another religion and did not attend our church, heard about our circumstances and paid for the necessary postage. Someone outside the church contributed the funds to get the boxes to the soldiers.
The story doesn’t end there. Our gift boxes to the soldiers were not only totally ignored, but later the idea of performing community outreach was picked up and kicked off as a church event. At that juncture the church had only two organized, community volunteer missions. One was a large Christmas project for an adjacent school, and the other was a Super Bowl Sunday when congregants donated a can of soup or $1 to give to the needy. The latter occurred only because it was a passion of one of the minister’s former assistants, who no longer worked at the church or attended the church, but who came on that week-end with intent to carry out the Souper Bowl event. This included her getting possession of a truck to transport the canned goods. Other than those two projects, if someone volunteered at the church, it benefited the church only, not external agencies or the community.
After we successfully filled gift boxes for U.S. soldiers, and mailed them without any help whatsoever from the church other than allowing us to use the alleged “half” a room for the activity, the minister solicited a different small group leader—one who had gone to Europe on a church trip with him and his family—to head up an outreach program at the church. She worked with various community agencies to develop and supervise monthly volunteer activities, such as filling emergency food boxes (sounds familiar), serving food at shelters, and sorting and organizing clothing for homeless people. Most certainly, he received feedback from various church members—especially donors to our event—that outreach was a positive movement. Once again Cain was lifting an idea that had worked and using it to make himself and his church look good.
Believe me, it hurts to have ideas stolen from you and credit given to others for your resourcefulness and hard work. Yet, even though the cainistic minister was too miserly to acknowledge my group for the idea of community outreach, I was and still am grateful that community involvement continues yet today at the church even though the cainistic minister is long gone.
Similarly, one specific group leader was recognized each month at our monthly celebration meetings for their ingenuity in developing their small group. Our group was never recognized. The small groups collapsed when the cainistic minister was forced out.
